The Dawn's Early Light

Winter isn't just a season, it's a state of mind. It's also when the orb of day slowly rises to reveal the summer within us all. MARTHA BECK wounds through the darkness.

THERE ARE A THOUSAND ways for winter to fall in a human life, and greatest in quantity have nothing to do with the weather. Any los or tragedy will do the job: illness, want age, abandonment--take your pick. on the other hand nothing freezes the heart as hard and fast as the horrors human beings deliberately inflict on one another.

We all felt this happen upon the September morning when we watched hate break up two landmarks, thousands of incalculably precious lives, and a nations faculty of perception of security. It will be many seasons before the chill of this terrible winter can be completely dispelled. But the holidays were designed to remind us that drawn out before summer returns, we can take comfort in knowing that it will. After all, Jesus' birth was assigned to December 25 not because it was his actual birthday (no one's confident of that) but because it malicious near one of the greatest in quantity sacred celebrations on the European calendar, the winter solstice. And in the way that the event many of us mark with our greatest in quantity effusive celebration is not the of recent origin life of spring or the lushness of midsummer or the autumn harvest, on the other hand the elusive moment in the heart of winter when the promise of light and warmth first touches a frozen earth. To paraphrase French novelist Albert Camus, in the midst of winter, the holidays can help us discover that there is in each of us an invincible summer

Choosing summer

Contrary to the advanced in years cliche, time does not heal all hurts Winters that freeze the heart, unlike those that chill the earth, do not inevitably give way to summer I know many tribe who have suffered at the hands of others, and a certain number of of these survivors have sinked into an interior winter that may last the quiescence of their life. They use chemicals to torpid their pain, lash out in periodic violence, retreat into silent despair. I find like reactions understandable. The people who astonish me are those who, despite unimaginable suffering, have fix their way back to happiness. by what means do these heroes find the summer in themselves--and by what mode can the rest of us come [i]or[/i] go after [i]or[/i] behind their example?

The greatest in quantity pragmatic answer I've heard came from a Cambodian friend I'll call Kong who had missing most of his family in a guerrilla attack that left him permanently disabled. When I met him, Kong was working side by dint of side with former members of the collection that had destroyed so plenteous of his life. He appeared to harbor no hatred. When I asked him in what manner this was possible, Kong described a means so simple even I could implement it.

Like many Cambodian men Kong had exhausted a few months as a Buddhist monk when he was a teenager. His training focused upon developing the quality known as lovingkindness. Westerners might wait for that this would mean thinking alone of others, but the opposite is genuine For many months after he was attacked, Kong's piece of work was to offer love to himself. He did this partly by dint of caring for his physical material substance but mainly by silently repeating meditative phrases like May I be well, May I be happy May I be filled with joy

prove by experiment this yourself: The next time facts pull you into an emotional winter, don't fight your feelings; simply tender them your love. When your heart wants to mourn, don't stiffen your upper lip or fake cheerfulness. give leave to the sadness grow as large as it wants to be, and as it does, say to the part of yourself that is grieving, May you be happy May you be at peace. May you be at liberty from pain. When the emotional roller coaster pitchs you into anger or fear, give those emotions the same loving attention, offering your raging or terrified self the same kindness you gave your sorrow: May you be at peace. May you be comforted. May you be filled with joy

At first this may have feeling strange and artificial, but if you continue this simple practice, without trying to force your emotions in any way, you will begin to faculty of perception that a level of your mind is deeper and stronger than your pain. This is the core of your personality your essential being. It consists of undiluted love--the alone thing in the universe whose unfathomable power transcends the unfathomable power of evil. one time you have learned to tap into it, you will find that this delight in can gradually mend even the injurys you thought would never heal.

There's a story about a Tibetan monk a great deal of like Kong, who, after being imprisoned and tortured in a Chinese labor camp, was asked if he'd at any time been in real danger. "Oh yes" he said. "Twice I was in danger of hating the Chinese." This statement wasn't the production of self-conscious righteousness. It was simply a factual expression of this man's knowledge that the capacity to regard with affection is the pathway to the invincible summer of the inner man and that losing touch with it is the sole thing that can destroy our ability to be happy.

Many of my clients who have experienced devastating losse are reluctant to practice the means I've just described because it leads to periods of focusing upon "negative" emotions. They feel it is nobler to leapfrog above grief and sadness into instant forgiveness. on the contrary this is really Forgiveness Lite, an artificial answer with no real nutritive value, because real forgiveness must honor and save the victims of evil as well as the perpetrators. It is a by-product of self-nurturing and emotional healing, and to create it we absolutely must perceive the full extent of our sadness and rage. Just as a in truth courageous person is someone who knows fear on the other hand acts bravely in spite of it, a really forgiving person is someone who experiences all the anger merited by means of injustice and still acts with fairness and compassion.