PC Mailbag for December 16, 2003

PC Mailbag

Cookie calculator performance for Tom, the controls of the engagement, and still more...

Count Did He?

I enumerateed how many times you said warcraft and battle realms. Now give me my cookie!

-- Master Groovy

You're kidding, right? in what way am I supposed to know you actually numbered all of my Battle Realms and Warcraft references? Want me to bust on the outside the Internet truth detecting telepathy? You didn't plane include the final tally in your submission! I don't want to insult you or anything, on the contrary I think you're a filthy liar who's trying to steal a cookie or sum of two units from an honest fellow like me (notice in what way I didn't use the word suitable in place of honest).

All you had to do was read the entire review and enumerate how many times I referenc Warcraft and Battle Realms and you would have gotten a nice cookie in the mail (one of those somewhat cold sugar ones with M&Ms upon top, too). Instead, I now have feeling obliged to eat the cookie myself. Tomorrow you may be able to find pictures of me orgasmically eating said cookie while holding a true sad doll with your name written upon its chest. Look for it and then number how many ways you screwed up with this answer and I'll send you sum of two units cookies.

-- Ivan "Deez Nuts" Sulic

Simple to Dismiss, Anyway

I have a simple question for you to answer right now without your stupid geek sallys noone cares about. Will DOOM 3 step quickly better on computer or Xbox? Don't put to proof and be funny, just answer.

-- Tomboy

The better question is whether or not you'll live to diocese its release on any platform, Tom. Aside from me hating you passionately and now obsessively seeking on the outside your home and sleeping patterns, there are three major point in disputes with your letter that not alone prevent me from properly answering you on the other hand also warrant your immediate death.

The first is that no individual willing or able to publicly speak has at any time seen the Xbox version of DOOM 3 The next to the first problem is that DOOM is not notwithstanding a completed product, and thus there is no definitive way of determining exactly what impressed signs of machines it will and will not step quickly well on. The third question at issue (amazing that you have in the way that many in such a short alphabetic character isn't it?) is that in all your brilliant horse wisdom, you leave outed to include any kind of combination of parts to form a whole specifications for your own computer Way to go on horse-boy.

Still, I'm compell to help you kids without so it comes down to this... Die.

-- Ivan

Till nearest Time

Well folks... I'm an inconsiderate bastard. It appear to bes there was some confusion above yesterday's mailbag due largely to my mystifying poker speak. In my closing alphabetic character I wrote at great extent about my tournament play this past weekend and my general have affection for for the game, but I used a doom of gambling lingo that many of you didn't understand, with equal reason

The game is Texas clutch 'Em poker. Each player (usually no more than 10 at a table) is dealt sum of two units cards face down. These are known as a person's aperture cards or pocket cards. For example, "I have a pouch pair of jacks," or, "I have jacks in the hole" After an initial circular of betting based solely on these undisclosed hole cards, three community cards referr to as the flop are placed upon the table or board, face up "I have jacks in the perforation I flopped three jacks."

After the flop advances another round of betting. one time that round of wagers is consummate a fourth community card called the turn round is laid face up upon the board. "I have jacks in the opening I flopped three jacks. I hit a filled house on the turn." Again, we have a circular of betting. Now the fifth and final community card is placed face up upon the board. It's what we call the river, or 5th road "I have jacks in the aperture I flopped three jacks. I hit a filled house on the turn. I made four-of-a-kind upon the river." Begin the final circular of betting.

The winner of the match is the player with the best five card hand, which can be a combination of any or the pair of his hole cards, and any or all of the five community cards (playing all five community cards without the use of your perforation cards is called playing the board, and happens infrequently). Standard five card poker sways apply. In order, the best to worst hands would be:

Straight flush: Five consecutive cards of the same suit. If all of my cards were spades and my cards were, 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 I would have a straight flush.
Four-of-a-kind: Four cards of the same denomination. 4 - 4 - 4 - 4
Full house: Three cards of the same denomination coupl with sum of two units cards of a different denomination. 10 - 10 - 10 - 3 - 3
Flush: Five cards of the same suit, on the contrary of nonconsecutive denominations. If all of my cards were spades and my cards were, Jack - 10 - 6 - 2 - Ace, I would have a flush.
Straight: Five consecutive cards of different suits. 5 - 6 - 7 - 8 - 9
Three-of-a-kind: Also known as a locate this is where a player has three cards of the same denomination and sum of two units other cards of different denominations. 3 - 3 - 3 - 10 - 9
Two pair: sum of two units cards of one denomination, sum of two units cards of another denomination, and single card unrelated to either existing pair. 2 - 2 - 4 - 4 - King.
One pair: individual pair of cards of a single denomination where none of the other three cards has any bearing upon the existing pair. King - King - 10 - 3 - 6
High card: A hand in which no pairs, straights, or flushes of any kind have been made is won by the agency of the highest card held. Ace - 4 - 6 - 8 - 10